Waiting on What?

As we sit here, waiting, waiting
for the house
that doesn't seem to exist,

my attitude toward God's providence
hasn't
proved

that I trust Him.

I stumbled across this verse the other day during a daily devotion:

"In his kindness God called you to share in His eternal glory by means of Jesus Christ. So after you have suffered a little while, he will restore, support, and strengthen you, amd he will place you on a firm foundation. All glory to him forever!"

1 Peter 5:10-11

The fact that God would allow us to share in his persecution so that he is able to restore, support and strengthen us; but then he would be so awesome as to provide us with a firm foundation? Wow! I am truly amazed.

It is the beginning of a new month. A fresh start. Who knows where we will be a month from now? We can't tell. Hard to say, considering all we've been through. Hard to count on anything. All I know is that our real estate agent said it best when she responded to our disillusionment: "God is trying very hard to prevent you from getting any of these houses that you have looked at and put offers in on. And I think there is a reason for that. He doesn't just leave people out to dry."

How true! Here we are, feeling like we are so alone, so abandoned, and maybe even betrayed, when we should be feeling thankful that God is so clear about his will for us by preventing us from getting the houses that we aren't meant to have!

This realization has helped me morph my heart into gratitude.

Disappointment Prevails

This will be a short post, a redaction if you will. I want to shout it from the rooftops, to tell everyone what a corrupt system we are caught in the middle of.

Our house deal has fallen through. The listing agent countered, we accepted and followed their strict stipulations. A week later, the seller's agent representing the bank wrote our buyer's agent an email that said, in exact words, "I am sorry that we were under the impression that your offer was accepted. We have an all-cash offer that we intend to close this month. Sorry for the inconvenience."

Inconvenience?
INCONVENIENCE?

Does he know that there is a family desperately searching for a home to raise their kids in, a family who would make their payments, who doesn't treat a hosue as an investment but as a space for creativity and life?

My furstration is at its peak. If God is trying to break us, then he is succeeding.

But you know what happens when God breaks you. A rainbow.

Good things always come from the Lord. He is watching us and working very hard to prevent us from living in so many of these homes.

Where is our home? We don't have the slightest clue.

Where are our hearts?  That answer will always remain the same.

Our New House, For Real This Time!

Three months.
One hundred house tours.
Hundreds of dollars in gas money.
SIX OFFERS, and multiple other disappointments.

Let's face it. We were depressed. Life is hard when you have no place to settle in, to really call your own. We are so appreciative of the Browns taking us in and feeding us, but we are ready to be autonomous. So we are pleased to announce that we have found a home close to civilization that we love AND that we can afford. I love it when the inevitable collides.

Primary exterior pictures are below, but be prepared from the HOME REMODELING SERIES II, coming in about three weeks (or whenever we can close), consisting of before and after pictures like last time.

Yay! We have a home :)

I've got my paint samples ready and my list of doom* is in the works...
MUAHAHA-- be prepared, 29th Street!

*a list of doom consist of the nitpicky issues, either functionally or cosmetically that I have contrived based on a) my need for perfection and b) my desire to cure old things, including but not limited to: homes, furniture, artwork, etc. Oh, what a great stage of life we are in!

The Colorado Trip

It had been too long, I tell you, way too long.
Rylan was only two months old when we last saw my parents and they were DYING to see their only grandson, who my mother frequently calls "an angel." For now, yes. We will see in the future-- I was a naughty child and my husband is a pretty sneaky guy!
Anyways, we had postponed taking a Colorado trip to visit them until we had found a house and were stuck in the limbo time between offering and closing, but alas, we have seen over 90 houses and made 5 offers that have all been rejected (and we have even offered OVER asking price on a few!), so as summer drew to a close we new we just had to take a break from house searching and just make the trip.

We are glad we did! My poor family just needed a Rylan fix, and Nick and I appreciated a nice refreshing break from house searching and the sweltering 100+ degree weather typical of Kansas summers.

My sister bought a professional camera to keep up with her photo-a-day blog, which you can visit using this link:

A Pic A Day

Enjoy the great family photos from the trip!

Family Photos, Courtesy of my Sister, the Budding Photgrapher

Born Sunny Side Up!

Well, here is my son, the most pleasant baby I have ever met. Born sunny side up.

SOME CRAWL OTHERS FLY. His motto should be "I can't do either!"

 Now, I know that it's not my parenting that makes him so calm and carefree, because, well, let's face it-- I'm a mess. It must just be his demeanor.


He certainly didn't get it from me.

Photo Courtesy of Danielle Gershon, a budding little photographer!

I just had to brag a little bit, because I am pretty sure I feel entirely TOO blessed. Is that possible?
I think the answer is yes, because none of us deserve the blessings we have, and yet God continues to bestow.

Yes, truly blessed <3

Anniversary Trip

Yes, our anniversary was in June. Yes, that's when we took our vacation.
But did I get around to blogging at that point? Of course not! It's like scrapbooking-- I love to do it, but I just delay it! Rylan's baby book extends only to two months. And I thought I was doing well!

Anyways, we took a trip to Branson, MO. I had heard many things about because my husband has family there so he had plenty of tales to tell along the way, but it was my fisrt time visiting! I was very impressed with the scenery and the attractions. It reminded me of a mini Las Vegas meets Rocky Mountains. Very cute! Nick's Gram and Grandad have a cabin in the mountains near the big lake there so we felt privileged to stay for free!

One Year Later-- we took a picture in a golf cart a year ago when we got married, without the fun little addition :)

We went to the Presley's, Branson's orignial show on the strip, and then we visited the famous Silver Dollar City. Nick's aunt and uncle went with us, so we had someone to hold the little one during rides. Phew!

All in all, it was a fun, fairly cheap vacation that got our summer off to a great start! I have now recapped it for you at the end of the summer. Whoops.

Things I am Going to Miss about Clay Center

As we are moving soon, I must say the nostalgia is kicking in pretty intensely. I see the clocktower in the courtyard and start to tear up! I am excited about the move, but there is so much unknown that I feel more connected to what's comfortable.

So here is a compilation of things (in no particular order) I am going to miss about Clay Center when we leave this summer...
1. Lightning bugs. I had never seen one before! Doesn't every little girl dream of capturing them in Mason jars and letting their glow warm her heart? I know I do, even though I'm not so young anymore. It's just so romantic.
2. The Rex. Another romantic thing about this small town! Who couldn't pass up $5 weekend movies in a gigantic gloomy former theatre? It's gorgeous! The seats are red velvet and the walls are adroned with the original twirly columns. It's truly a treat.
3. Hunting season. I once drove a few blocks behind a truck with approximately 8 deer legs sticking straight up in the air from the bed of the truck, bouncing over speedbumps and swaying in the wind. Ew.

Yes, I took a photo.

4.  The Power Punch Card! I will advertise for this cause without shame-- I love the Power Punch ( I sound like a testimonial!) But there are lots of good deals for food and other such commodities found in Clay Center and we have taken advantage of it, as we are scavengers for good deals!
5.  Our house. Yes, we have updated each room to our exact liking and I am slightly afraid that I have been spoiled-- will our next house be personalized for me? I guess we'll have to change that :)
6. Cardinals. Once, long ago, I desecrated the crimson beauty of one of the first cardinals I had laid eyes on by hitting it with my car. Whoops.
7. The detour to Ray's. Ok, that one I'm not so serious about. Heaven forbid the hurry up construction so it doesn't take me fifty hours to get groceries.
8. The football stadium. I love the KState-looking architecture of the Bengals/Tigers Stadium! And they even allowed me to bring in my little Bambino, who enjoyed the attention from all the middle school girls saying, "Awhhhhhhh!"
8.  The zoo. For such a small zoo in a relatively small town, this zoo is impressive! There are a veriety of monkeys, birds, squirrels, bunnies, deer, wolves, foxes, emus (scary!), a black bear and even a jaguar!
9. Clay Center Covenant Church. What a phenomenal place to plug in. I am sorry we couldn't stay around longer to enjoy it more! The pastor is encouraging, the people are wonderful, and the lessons are honest and Christ- and Bible-centered. Once again, I am truly sorry to be leaving this body of Christ-- God bless our future search as we relocate!
10. The people. The people of Clay Center have made an awesome effort to accept us into their community. Women with older children have really reached out to me, encouraging me and teaching me. What a blessing these people have been! I would not trade having lived here for anything!

Sorry to get all mushy gushy on ya, but it just sometimes happens :)

Cute Rylan Videos

This little guy is getting to be so much fun :) Had to share!

Just One Year

June 12.
I can't believe it's already been a year, and yet I can't believe it's ONLY been a year. So much has happened, and yet it has gone so quickly! It seems like when you are in a dating relationship making it to a year is such an accomplishment, and yet, making it through a year of marriage is just the beginning. Fine with me!
June 12.
The day I promised to love you, in sickness and health. Those words have never been so valuable to me as they have this year. Being young and generally of good health, I never thought I would experience some of the problems I have this year. And yet, God is faithful, and so is my husband, according to the vows he made a year ago.
I must admit, being married is nothing like what I perceived it to be. I mean, I think being married is so idealized and fantasized, especially at small Christian colleges where there is something really "wrong" with you if you leave college without your perfect match. I love being married, but it is difficult, which is why it is so truly beautiful.
Two people sticking with it through the hard stuff, like having unplanned babies or for that matter not being able to have babies at all or being really sick or really poor.

That is what the vow is all about.

June 12.
My favorite day of the year.

THREE MONTH PICS

Rylan's three month photos are up!

Check them out here:

Life's Little Moments Photography

Inspiring mommy quote:  

"If you have a mom, 

there is nowhere you are likely to go 

 where a prayer has not already been."

Thanks to the mothers who have gone before me, for God knows I can't do this on my own! I know that my mom set this example for me, and that her mother set the example for her, so I can only pray that I will pray everywhere my children go.

A Love of Running

Growing up I was the fastest kid in school, even faster than the boys! Some of my best summer memories include racing my dad through the backyard grass, until the day I beat him and he claimed he pulled his hamstring.... seems fishy to me! I ran track in high school and cross country one year, even though long distance wasn't really my thing.

When I got to college I was sorely disillusioned with what I had expected running college track for a Christian coach to be like. It was a terrible experience, and it left a sour taste in my mouth for organized sports (which I quickly got over, because I love sports!) Since quitting immediately after my sophomore year, running long distance has been a way for me to deal with stress, relieve extra tension, exercise and have fun, all at the same time! I didn't exercise much when I was pregnant on account of how crummy I felt, but since Rylan has been born I have been trying to exercise using the Insanity DVDs and walking.

The other day, Nick's school that he teaches at hosted a Positive Addictions 5k, which I admit, I walked. Rylan was with me, and the streets are so terribly bumpy that I couldn't have run, that's for sure... Oh ya, and I'm miserably out of shape! Here's the link to the news article- Rylan's time was 48 minutes! That's got to be a world record for a three month old :)

Positive Addictions 5K 

Rylan Boy in his track suit and sneakers, ready to race!

Walking this 5k with my husband and son was a great reminder of a lot of things. How much I love to be outside. How much I love my family. How much I love life. How much I love the feeling of exercise well done. How much I love running.


What a great memory :)

Haysville or BUST!

And just as quickly as they came, they were off!

My husband recently accepted a position as a high school math teacher 2 hours south of where we are now, in Haysville, KS. It seems like a great opportunity for all of us and we are very excited!

Our first year of marriage has been exciting to say the least! To start, I had to move from Colorado to Kansas. Immediately we found out we were pregnant just a few weeks after our June wedding! Then, we crunched in order to finish our house, which is, admittedly still not complete. After spending the fall student teaching and working at Riley County High School for the beginning of the spring semester and then BOOM having a baby a month early in mid- February. Now we are moving our little family south and hoping for the best :)

As I sit here typing this, listening to my baby cry, sipping a Vanilla Dr. Pepper, observing unfamiliar cardboard boxes pile up around the home I have tried so hard to keep tidy, I wonder how this move could be the best thing for our family right now. But I know that God wants us in Haysville; we have prayed about it and he has answered very clearly. I just don't know why.

I am afraid of the in-between stage, of not having a place to call home. Sometimes I want to cry with Rylan, I think to myself. The grass truly is always greener. I have wanted to leave Clay Center for quite some time  now because it is so unfamiliar to me, but maybe that was not the answer I should have been seeking. Maybe all along I should have been trying to assimilate into the culture here, adjusting as best as possible in order to feel settled, instead of always wiching I was elsewhere. Well, now I will be elsewhere, and I am actually very excited about it, but I am also sad to be leaving the people and the church I wish I had known better.

But I trust my Lord and Savior- he's always known better than me anyways!

Happy Two Months, Rylan!

I can't believe it!
My little Rylan-Boy is two months old already! I know it sounds crazy, but this is going by toooooo quickly already! I was looking at pictures I took at his first month and comparing them to his second month, realizing how much he has grown! This is indeed no surprise to us, since it's about two and a half pounds later.... (what happened to my 5.5 pound baby???? That carseat carrier sure is getting HEAVY!) Here are some pictures to compare his size:


March 14, 2012: Rylan's one month old!

Look at those scrawny little legs! How irresistible :)

And those ARMS! SO fragile!

Yes, we bought a Valentine's Day tie to celebrate the day he was born on (since I was in labor that entire day, with the induction starting at 5am- Nick and I did little to no celebrating on our first Valentine's Day as a married couple!)


To contrast sharply, observe Rylan today, April 14, 2012 at two months old:

CHUBBY CHEEKS-so kissable! hahah

pouty face!

What a change a month can make! Someone must be feeding him heartily :)
Expect many many more update and pictures to come.
I love being Rylan's momma!

God Protected Us

You know those stories of mothers who gain the strength of a dozen men to pick up a car, rescuing her child underneath it? I wish I could say that I am that mother, but my story is not nearly as dramatic as it is just plain terrifying. But I did get a taste of what it might be like-- my instincts kicked in and I went with it!

Today I got to put out a house fire. Well sort  of. I mean I would have had to if I didn't catch it when I did.

The baby was fed and fast asleep, so I seized this opportunity for a hot shower- I might even get to shave my legs! As I was hopping in, (or stepping, rather-- hopping into a slippery tub can be so dangerous!) I got a faint whiff of something burning. That unmistakable smell. I'd woken up this morning and threw some frozen chicken in the crock pot, so I thought I'd better go check and make sure my food wasn't on fire. I reluctantly threw a towel around myself. Approaching the kitchen, the scent faded. Odd. Was it coming from the other end of the house? The living room? Or worse, Rylan's room? That was not the only issue-- there was a cardboard box of baby's clothes directly underneath it. I reached up to move the box-- as I did so, a smoldering nighttime sleeper fell from the top of the box onto the carpet. Its original white was tainted with the black and brown of a fierce burn, while other parts glowed a blinding orange. Quickly grabbing part of the outfit that was not yet destroyed, I rushed to the sink and sprayed it with water.

What a scare! It would have only taken a few minutes more to fill that room with smoke, and worse, my new son's lungs as well. When he woke up from his nap, he coughed a bit, but I think everything is fine! We left the house to make sure the smoke cleared.

All's well that ends well, but I did get such an adrenaline rush as my instincts kicked in. I felt like I understood why those mothers would do crazy things or gain crazy strength to protect their babies, even though I did neither of those things. It's just that the safety and well-being of my baby instantly became my only priority like a horse with blinders on. God must have really had his hand over our family today!

This is the outfit that got burned!

This is where Rylan was sleeping and that closet two feet to the left is where the chaos took place!

Needless to say we will be rearranging our closet!

Baby Rylan's Newborn Pictures

At just 5 days old, Rylan had his first photoshoot. Unfortunately, he takes after his father and didn't enjoy the experience so much! (It was pretty cold outside!) But, thanks to Life's Little Moment's Photography, we have some adorable captured moments. For anyone who's interested, a link to a slideshow if his newborn pictures is below. We'll take more 3, 6, 9, and 12 months! At least I'm having fun with it, even if Nick and Rylan aren't ;)

Rylan's Slideshow

Thanks for all your love and support during this time, everyone! People don't quite understand how hard having a baby is until they have one (I surely didn't understand it!) so everyone's support through this has been awesome!

Valentine's Baby~ Rylan Bentley Brown

Well, happy Valentine's Day to us!

We welcomed our son, Rylan Bentley, into the world at 11:34 on February 14. A little early, but that was expected with some of the complications we were having. He weighed 5.5 pounds and was 17 inches long. Little guy with some big fight!

One of Rylan's first pictures. MANY to follow :) Nick also wanted me to point out the KU beanie!

 

 

Also, just a congratulatory side note: our in-laws (Nick's older sister Jill and her husband Caleb) had their baby this morning (Feb. 15 around 9am). This makes for one busy family, but I wouldn't have it any other way.

I hope you all enjoy joining me on this lifelong journey of what motherhood and sacrificial parenting looks like! It will be very difficult at times (I have no doubts!) but I know it will be extremely worth it in the end.

This Might be What You Call Nesting...

Faux painting an entire room after working a full day at the high school. Then, proceeding to repaint the trim in the dining room. Hanging curtains. Then, mod podging (yes, I think this is a legitimate verb...) some old chairs to make them new. Baking, cooking, freezing, cleaning..... the list goes on.

This is not normal behavior.

This is what you call nesting. And it happened to me. In one day. Superhero Mom? I wouldn't go that far. More like, "It's crunch time!!!!!"

My so very retro chairs!